Poetry I've written and Dreams I've had

These are some poems I did for my poetry class. I've really enjoyed working on them and I'm still working on them, but felt putting them up here might be fun.

I forget

Walking aimlessly I ask “Where am I?”
Where is left and where is right?
She says, “Get to work little man and don’t ask me why.”
Curious me, which Hesco Barrier could it be?

Walking aimlessly I ask “What am I?
What do I do and do it with?
He says to her, “But I need supplies.”
Clever me, a dragon’s hoard and it’s asleep.

Walking aimlessly I ask “Who am I?”
Who is me and who is I?
He says, “Come now Doc. It’s them and I.”
Dangerous me, she doesn’t know a thing.

Walking aimlessly I missed a path, “Where are they?”
Where to go and with who?
They say to me, “What a good man you are.”
She says to me, “What a poor man you are.”
He says to me, “What an unlucky man you are.”
I say to them “Who are you?”

Walking aimlessly I forget who they are, I are, we are.
Tensions fade along side meaning.


A Challenge Again

I spoke with her again, my little madness, a goddess in my mind.
No place is home until Little Cthulhu has spent the night.
Why am I clean I asked. Because you are you she spoke.
Why am I twisted I pleaded. Because you are you she cooed.

My little goddess in the doorway, my dark oracle.
She wraps her arms around me as I stare out the door.
You don’t have to go there she says, but a gypsy soul I must go.
She watches as I go, sad smile on her lips.              
Steps and leaps I eat the miles and the memories.  

She doesn’t ask where I went. Bowties and rifles. Bullets on the shelf.
She doesn’t ask what I did. Face red with anger a smile on my lips.
She doesn’t ask who I was with. Voices bidding hello goodbye.
She wraps her arms around me as I step into the room.

I went there I say. She holds me tight and I squeeze back.
I’m here I told them. Sit down, boy they said!
I’m here I told them. Sit down, boy they said!
I’m here I told them. Sit down, boy they said!

I’m here I told them.
With Sasha in my hands and on my hip light as a feather I’m here I told them.
I saved him I said. Trips and blunders I saved him I’m here I told them.
Promises made and broken, tunnels dug, and cards dealt I’m here I told them.
Place Sasha away and sit down with my madness.


Angry

I don’t like to feel anger. What good does it do me?
I like to be calm. I like to be simple.
What do I want? That’s easy. Just let me wander.

But they don’t like me to wander.
Who? Friends, family, society itself.
They want us to stay put. “Why travel if you’ll only be there a few days?”
“What’s the point?”
I tell them I need to wander and they tell me to sit down.
Sit and work, sit and work, sit and work, sit and work.

Even still I don’t like to get angry with them.
So what if it pisses me off. Stay home again?
No I’d rather not. I’ll take a walk.

“Only five days?” Yes only five.
“What can you see in five days?”
Anything I haven’t already. That’s hardy ever enough of a reason though.
What should I tell them then? I don’t know why I wander.
I just do. Is that so strange?
“I suppose not.” Then why do you tell me to stay?
I don’t like to get angry, even if it pisses me off.


Perspectives

White chalkboard cleaned and ready
White chalkboard green
Write on it now and draw your thoughts

Three families so separate
They hardly know each other, but
But they know the Contradiction

Gypsy soul riding an elephant
Lotus in his cup while mother drinks wine and eats bread
Cover her ears for Morpheus whispers again

I hardly know what I say these days,
As Morpheus whispers to me
A thousand labels and titles.
Barriers constructed to be honored and then I breach them,
But none of this is new.

A virgin’s trust and
A sage’s wisdom
In my hand again

A mother’s love and
A father’s pride
In my hand again

I stand tall neckties and rifles. Bullets on the shelf.
I stand tall clean and washed. Eyes forward ready for more.
I stand tall smiling as you write on me. Ready to break.

Running from the Sunset

Running from the Sunset.
Frost and sea beneath our feet.
Steel wings.

The warmth of memories
Coiling in my mind,
But so to a dread, a sorrow.

Sharp like the cold
When the sun sets I’ll be home
No more in the lands of Tommy Atkins

Steel wings fly us
Through wind and frost
Over seas and forests

The sunset will catch me
The last day shall end
Sending me home

Bittersweet love
Honey and blood
Victorian Masks

Beyond seas and forests
The sunset shall find me
Enthroned and trembling

Yesterday is the day
Tomorrow the night
Today is twilight

Yesterday stands beside me
Tomorrow stands beside me
But sorrow shall find me at sunset

Dream

There is a sleep I desire.
A sweet dream to sooth my soul.
Weeping sand, bleeding lies, I call to her, needing that ache fulfilled
A shoot of whiskey, liquid bullet. A story lovingly crafted, textual bullet
Castles of air, flash of darkness, gypsy’s dream, I find her.

I speak with her again, my little madness, a goddess in my mind.
No place is home until Theá has spent the night.
Why am I clean I’ve asked. Because you are you she spoke.
Why am I twisted I’ve pleaded. Because you are you she cooed.
My little goddess in the doorway, my dark oracle.
She wraps her arms around me as I stare out the door.
You don’t have to go there she says, but a gypsy soul I must go.
She watches as I go, sorrowful smile on her lips, running a hand through her hair
and shaking her head.

Steps and leaps I eat the miles and the memories.
I’m ready like a white chalkboard cleaned.
White chalkboard green.
Write on me now and paint your thoughts
I stood tall, bowties and rifles, bullets on the shelf.
I stood tall, clean and washed, anxious, eyes forward ready for more.
I stood tall, strangled smile as you wrote on me, ready to break.
When it’s done I wander home to my madness once again.
She sits there waiting.

She doesn’t ask where I went. Bowties and rifles, bullets on the shelf.
She doesn’t ask what I did. Face red with anger a smile on my lips.
She doesn’t ask who I was with. Voices bidding hello goodbye.
She wraps her arms around me as I step into the room.
I went there I say. She holds me tight and I squeeze back.
I’m here I told them. Sit down, boy they said!
I’m here I told them. Sit down, boy they said!
I’m here I told them. Sit down, boy they said!

I’m here I told them.
With Sasha in my hands and on my hip, light as a feather, I’m here I told them.
I saved him I said. Trips and blunders I saved him, I’m here I told them.
Promises made and broken, tunnels dug, and cards dealt, I’m here I told them.
Place Sasha away and sit down with my madness.

We are free

We are free
Free from the monsters under our bed.
No banshees on the wind
The closet monsters or devils are dead.
Free from bogeymen and fey.
No longer are there Knights in armor
Eden has burned away
And there is no Santa Claus

Truly free to play
In this ever-lit world of human understanding
Our dreams are the neuron’s firing
Babel little more than geography
And there is nothing where a rainbow seems
We are free

Some dreams I've had:

Dream had when I was a kid:

-Myself and some other people are exploring the Greek Labyrinth. We make it all the way to the middle and find the treasure, but Aladdin style once we touch it it all crumbles. The Minotaur shows up and chases us as we try and escape it. We all split up and it follows me. Running and running I eventually find myself in an open market place and try and lose the Minotaur in the crowds. Eventually he finds me and the crowd moves away from us. He is wearing a Hawaiian shirt now.

Dreams had during Medic Training 2009:

-I’m surrounded by...another. It is like a cloud of symbols and thoughts. It is far larger than me, but not a size beyond imagining. Big as a house?
It’s as confused as I am and it is lost. We didn’t expect to meet.

-Dreamed one of my fellow medics messed with my uniform. I’m so mad in the dream that when I wake up I am still mad and almost get up to find him before I realize it was just a dream. HaHa

Dreams had after Medic training and before Pre-Mob both had at the Delt House:

-There is this vile…thing with me. It is everything about me I hate. It looks like a rotting Angler Fish with no light hanging from its head. I later call it “Vile.”

-I am in my Delt room and there is a beautiful woman there with me. Tall, slim, short brown hair, good bust. She is naked and wants to make out. She says something frightening, I can’t remember what, and I try to escape through my door. My room isn’t in the Delt House anymore, though. Looking out I see an infinite abyss. The girl comes up behind me and wraps her arms around me. It feels almost caring. Smiling, she says that my sleeping self stumbled across a larger mind and that she is the piece of that mind that got stuck in my mind. She says I shouldn’t leave my dream room or I’ll go insane.

Dreams had during Pre-Mobilization training:

-In a ruined refugee society filled with animal-men. I am about to be attacked by the Wolf-guard as I transport a mental symbiot to it’s (her?) new proper host.

-Dreamed that I was planting fruits and vegetables with a university English professor. Ants ate the onions and fungus ate the peppers. The plant growing was going to be a class he would teach and I wanted to enroll.

-Very vague dream that I was enrolled in the Fall 2011 semester despite being in training and not going to school. Vague fear of how this would affect my GPA. When I woke up I couldn’t shake the paranoia of it and got on the web checking that I wasn’t enrolled. I wasn’t. Haha

Dreams had during deployment:

-I was heading somewhere. I was in an urban neighborhood. I realized I forgot something and went back home to get it. Someone else had also forgotten something and went to get it as well. That person did not live around me so we separate. I go home and get the thing I forgot (don’t know what it was), but while trying to head back I get lost. I can’t find my way back to everyone else and it is getting darker and darker around me. The houses are fading from sight because of the darkness. I fear that I will never find the others. I feel a reassuring presence behind me placing their hand on my shoulder. It is Iki (an old boyfriend). He knew I was lost and came to find me and walk with me. He brings light with him and the darkness retreats. I’m very happy he is there and feel peace and contentment flow through me.

-I dreamed a snake bit me.

Dreams I've had:

After Deployment:

Since coming back from deployment I have been having dreams that are “normal.” Normally my dreams are fantastical and sci-fi styled, but lately they have all been dreams about my deployment. Not memories, but fabrications. Instead of working in the Aid Station I am working with Alpha Company, Maintenance, or the Cooks. I think my subconscious is grabbing on to my thought that “If I had worked with people like them instead of people like SFC Hall and SPC Garcia then my deployment would have been amazing.” It’s like my subconscious is trying to give me those memories and experiences.

April 23, 2012

-I dreamed a black rat was trying to steal my blanket, but I growled at it and it ran away scared.

June 21, 2012

I dreamed that I had awoken to find all my teeth rotting out and my gums bleeding. I knew mom was out and couldn’t help me. I went to the sink in her room and looked at my teeth in the mirror. Rotten and bleeding I spit out teeth and blood into the sink. One of my lower teeth had become stuck in my upper gums and I could see the roots hanging out the bottom of it. There was something strange around the roots. Plastic tubes? I spit out more blood and pieces of teeth.

I woke up for real and quickly feel back asleep. I had more dreams I can’t remember.

June 26, 2012

I know there was more to the dream, but all I can remember is that the spinning door to the downstairs bathroom at my friend’s place was moved to the right.

June 28, 2012

I can’t remember more, but I know I had a dream that was themed to the show Adventure Time. I think Marceline was in it.

I had a nap and dreamed about a village that was going to be attacked by an invading army. A young boy passing through the village devises a plan to cause a landslide that will redirect the army. It succeeds and when the armies responsible for protecting the village arrive the boy has already left with a merchant caravan. At his insistence the village takes credit for the idea. One of the armies that arrive is looking for him. That army is a mostly emotionless group fixated on quasi-logic/religion.

July 5, 2012

One maybe two days ago I had another teeth dream. This time my teeth were falling apart. Cracking and shattering like ceramics or stone. It was four teeth, I think, and they broke mostly in half with a few small bits falling off.

Oct 22, 2012

I had a Dr. Who dream awhile back. I was one of his new companions (there were 4 in the dream) and we were on some kind of hospital planet. I wondered off looking for…something and found myself helping two arguing patients. Both men, they were arguing over something and I helped them handle things (no clue what the argument was over or what I did to help). Shortly after, still in that room with several patients, a security guard comes in and tries to arrest me. The patients protest and the doctor steps in and orders him to leave me alone (hospital planet so Doctors run things?). I find some keys and meet back up with Dr. Who and the others.

Had a very odd super hero dream. The “hero” is a dark and damaged style hero with over-all enhanced physical abilities and wields an axe as part of his theme. His nemesis is a man who can mostly shape change. He can change ethnicity, age, height, weight, etc, but can’t change gender all the way. She-male is as far as the changing can go. The change also has a creepy way of going since when he changes his old face will literally just slide off like a very gross mask. The villain serves several roles for the hero though. The hero’s closest friend is, unknown to him, a face the villain wears. The two also have a strange love affair. “Axeman,” as I am dubbing him, likes women and she-males. The villain will assume a new face and become a “damsel in distress” to be saved. Short lived love affair later the “damsel” leaves and in time a new one comes along. Their fights also sometimes also turn into sex filled nights.

24 Oct 2012

I had a very vivid Zombie dream. It started looking like a Walking Dead dream, but quickly changed. Some others and myself (no real clue who they were or what they looked like) were in a country town. We had a dog. In time we set up camp on a hill beside a cliff. We have easy view of anything coming to us. As well, the only path up bottlenecks at a steep angle. Living stray dogs try to attack us, but we scare them off. Then zombie dogs come. First one is easy, but the second is…weird. It’s bigger than a bull and has a hunch like a buffalo. Its face is fox like. We kill it, but it’s not easy. I think our dog died. Later we are in town and getting some people out, country redneck style family. Even has a massively fat and grumpy mother. She says things are just fine and they don’t need to leave. Then we see a pack of those weird dog-fox things dragging off the corpses of some other family who had a massively fat father. She says it is good they are leaving now; “We’ve grown to complacent.”
The dream stops? Shifts? And I am at home looking into the back yard through the kitchen window. I’m holding Eli, my mom’s little dog, and there is something dragging a dead cat through the backyard. I know what it is. Weird zombie mole thing. Can kill a full-grown man pretty well. I’m glad Eli wasn’t out there, but then I notice Mom is back there and she looks mentally dead to the world. Running I put Eli down, grab a weapon, and go out there as fast as I can. The thing has noticed mom and drops the cat to go for her. Its claws are as along as it’s body and it jumps to get her. My knife (a machete?) comes down hard on it cutting it almost in half. I scream at mom and drag her back in the house asking why she was out there. The dream ends at that point.

10 Nov 2012

Gay sex dream. I was napping in my living room when someone from my fraternity who is also in my Chinese Philosophy class came in and confessed his feeling for me. We had talked about it for a few minutes (I can’t remember what the conversation was about exactly) and this leads to us having sex in the living room. Afterward he expresses worry that I won’t be faithful to him. Dream me kisses him thinking he might be right and then I wake up.

26 Oct 2013

Cat dream. It was like The Cat Returns and my own life combined. I had to dream twice after waking up and falling asleep again. My girlfriend and I were cuddling in her bed and I rolled over hearing the cats acting up. When I looked over I saw a new forth cat. A slim white cat, she and the other three were meowing at each other. They moved off toward the door and I got out of bed wondering how she got in. The front door was open even though I had closed and locked it before bed. Timone, one of GF's cats, and the white cat got out, but I got the door closed before Ashram and Dakota could get out. GF is up know wondering what is going on. I tell her while putting on clothes to go get Timone. She keeps Dekota and Ashram in the apartment since they want out.
Going out I can see Timone, the white cat, and a bunch of other cats going toward the field across from her place. Running out there I see dozens of cats in the field and police corralling them into a fenced area. GF and I find Timone and the white cat and as the police gather up the cats we watch. I notice a girl sitting in the grass not far from the cat corral. She has cat ears and a tail. Her hair, fur, and clothing are all a dark black and bright crimson pattern. She is just staring off into the distance away from the cats.
I begin walking over and try to get to her without being noticed. I see two other guys doing the same. When I get close she falls over asleep. The men pick her up and take her to a van as cops walk all around. At first I think they must be with the police, but painted all over their van are phrases like “Fuck you,” “Fuck America,” “Fuck Cats,” “Fuck Dogs,” and so on. These people are not with the cops.
The cats are going nuts in the corral. Running over I let them all out to the distain of the police. The van is pulling away and there is no way the cats nor I can catch up. Running to my truck the cats follow and when I open my door they all pile in filling up every available space except the driver area. Once in they all just look at me with a look that says, “hurry up.”
Getting in I start up the truck and chase after the van. I’m not sure what to do, but it sets in they are kidnapping this girl. So I ram them repeatedly until they are off the road. Their passenger side door is pinned against a tree and I pin their driver side door closed with the front of my truck. Going to the back of the van I try and open the door, but they are locked.
I get a crowbar out of my tool chest and pry the back door open breaking the lock. The cats swarm in, but the girl doesn’t respond. She just stares into the distance. Picking her up I put her into my truck and drive off not sure what to do with her. As I drive away police cars begin to follow me lights flashing. I look at her and the cats wondering what to do.
“I’m not sure what to do,” I say.
“We can save her from here,” one of the cats says.
As I look the girl and all but one of the cats sink into the fabric of my passenger seat sinking out of view and presumably teleporting someplace else.
“We can’t get you out that way, but if you get in any trouble call 1-800-CAT-NIPP. They’ll help you,” the little cat says before sinking into the seat as well.
The dream shifts to me in the police station as officers grill me with questions. It goes on forever and when I ask for a lawyer they say I am a terrorist. I ask for my phone call and they give it to me. Calling 1-800-CAT-NIPP a cat like voice answers.
“Hello,” it says.
“My name is Allen Spearing and I was giving this number to call if I was in trouble. I was told you’d help.” I’m not sure what I expect at this point.
“We will, Sir. Get someplace no one can see you.” The voice hangs up and I ask the police if I can go to the restroom. Sitting in the stall I wait and check if I can be seen. No one can see me and when I look down a cat is sitting on the ground in front of me. He motions for me to pick him up and then to face the wall. Cat in my hands when I get near the wall a portal opens up and we walk through it traveling to the Cat Mafia. The Cat Don is there and he welcomes me in and says I am welcome because I saved the Prince’s wife’s life.
The dream gets really fuzzy at this point, but I remember the Don somehow gave me a spell. Next I am with the Prince, a black cat in a military suit. He says I’ve done a great thing for the Cat Kingdom and makes me a Cat Knight. This gives me Cat ears and a tail. The dream gets fuzzy again, but I remember hunting the people who kidnapped the Princess.

This is a Ghazal poem.

Home

Mother smiling always supporting us
Our home like a shrine with her smile’s perfect shine

Mother’s house is a place to be carefree.
I remember the shining counter tops so pristine.

I remember eyes never wavering.
Piercing so deep they never missed a sign.

No matter where we wandered home was always
There and with food so warm for us to dine.

Her sons rank and file marching to the beat
Of their idea of father’s dream towing the line

Home is a love you need never question,
But you will all the same for nothing is fine.

In war torn times the pain changes a heart
Trust is a lie spoken so we can be fine

This is a sonnet.

We are Free

I have found in modern times we are
Free. Free from the monsters under our bed.
There are no more banshees on the wind
The closet monsters and devils are dead.
Free from bogeymen and all the fey.
No longer are there Knights in gleaming
Armor. Fruit withered on the vine. Eden
Has burned away and there is no Santa.
Today we are truly free to play in
This ever-lit world of human
Understanding. Our dreams are the neuron’s
Firing. Babel little more than geography
And there is nothing where a rainbow was
We are at last free to become human.

My class is covering Blues poems now.

Here

In war torn times little pains more than a heart
In war torn times this pain changes a heart
Trust is a lie spoken so we can be fine
It is the bond and bullet of the heart
From a body pumped with adrenaline.
We give you bone and blood for nickels and dimes.
Faith and power for the childhood’s fading memory.
Here, Mother. Here, Father. Take your due. Take your time.
Make me run and make me scream for that memory.
With each hissing scream I finish your lesson.
My voice the rifle’s barrel as you speak of trust,
Of each favor unasked for and each unwanted lesson.
I loved you then and love you still. I must
Never forget the things you’ve done for me.

How can I forget what you’ve done for me,
Dear Mother, when you never stop telling me?
All those meals and all those smiles every
One perfect and pristine driving me crazy.
Let me wear the mask, a silencer for
My barrel. Now I can lie that same old
Lie for you dear mother. This body is so far
Away from me just doing what it’s told.
What dream do I follow now, mother?
Our old one is shattered by the lies, mother.
Your counter tops are no longer clean, mother.
Your smile is fake and slipping mother.

I only just realized how much I was using "mother" in the blues poem "Here."

After class I reworked "Here." Not done yet.

War Torn Times

Trust is a lie spoken so we can be fine
Trust is the bond and bullet of the heart

In war torn times little pains more than the heart
In war torn times this pain changes the heart

In war torn times the heart is the only thing
you own. The blood in your veins the only currency

All we have in war torn times are those
Childhood memories of love, home, and purity

Home the seat of trust and family
Of safety and love. Such sweet memories.

All we have are mother’s meals and her shining
Smiles telling us all those same old lies

I give you bone and blood for nickels and dimes.
Faith and power for the childhood’s fading memory.

My voice the rifle’s barrel as you speak of trust.
Make me run and make me scream for that memory.

I loved you then and love you still. I must
Never forget the things you’ve done for me.

How can I forget what you’ve done for me,
Dear Mother, when you never stop telling me?

All those meals and all those smiles every
One perfect and pristine driving me crazy

Let me wear that mask, this body so far
Away from me just doing what it’s told hazily.

What dream should I follow now, mother?
The old one is shattered by the lies, mother.

Your counter tops are no longer clean, mother.
Your smile is fake and slipping mother.

Your disguise is slipping, you are slipping.
Dear mother, everything is slipping away.

We’ll sleep and see our madness at last after
All this time. See it free and far away.